Lifestyle
The Ventura Sisters talk about Pflx Rambo
Donna: What’s to say? He was Pflx Rambo.
Etta: There’s a lot to say. He was Pflx Rambo after all. He worked his way up through all the best crime families until he was head of the biggest casino on Ventura. And stayed alive through all of it.
Donna: Well, until he didn’t.
Etta: True. But he survived longer than anyone else would have in that situation.
Donna: How old was he anyway?
Etta: Nobody knows. Even his authorized biographies, of which there were 23 at last count, disagree. It seems as if he told a different story to everyone he talked to about his life.
Donna: An intergalactic man of mystery.
Etta: Well, we think he was a man anyway. Or at least a male. He presented as male, but nobody could figure out what species he was, much less what gender.
Donna: To hear his longtime secretary, Mona Climaxia, talk about him, he was ALL male, if you know what I mean. Hung like a Rimborian with the lasting power of a sleeping Zwenite.
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| Mona Climaxia grieving Pflx Rambo’s death. Her blue hair represents her sadness. The water represents her tears. Her breasts represent the milk of sentient kindness that was Pflx Rambo. |
Donna: Or underneath him. Or straddling him. Or wrapped around him like a drunk Durlan.
Etta: She IS flexible. And since his death, she’s taken over operations of the Golden Stardust, running all aspects of the casino. She’s also overseeing the team upgrading Snell Station. That’s a lot.
Donna: Not just that, but she now serves on all the charitable boards that he used to. Like War Orphans for Pflx Rambo, which last year arranged for millions of orphans from around the UP to collect funds to buy him a new Ultradeluxe Hoverchair 5000 with Genuine Lightning Beast Hide after his old one got a spot on it.
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| A group of War Orphans for Pflx Rambo listening to the inspirational speech of Pflx Rambo telling them that they, too, might someday have a charitable foundation in their name, but probably not because they’re just a bunch of orphans who will never amount to anything. |
Donna: Truly he was so generous. The UP lost a great sentientarian when he died.
Etta: We got off topic. We were talking about Mona Climaxia. Do you think she’ll ever be able to find love again?
Donna: Well, if rumors are to be believed, and when aren’t they, she already has! She’s been seen consorting with her new private secretary, a handsome stud who’s been working her for a couple months now. I mean, working for her.
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| Who is this mysterious stallion of a male sentient who even dares to try to take Pflx Rambo’s place between Mona Climaxia’s thighs? |
Etta: He must be truly impressive if he can satisfy her like Pflx Rambo did.
Donna: I’m not sure anybody could EVER replace Pflx Rambo, but I bet he does what he can. As long as Mona’s happy.
Etta: So the Pflx Rambo Memorial Festival is starting soon, and you and I have the distinct privilege of being among the stellar talent performing in honor of our fallen hero.
Donna: We do. I believe we go on right after the acts from the Bacard Barley Traveling Space Circus on the 4th day of the Festival. Have you been practicing your juggling?
Etta: You know I have. The cuts on my legs prove it. But that won’t be our only contribution to the festival, will it, Donna?
Donna: No, it won’t. Through perseverance and skilled detective work, we have discovered who’s responsible for Pflx Rambo’s death, and we’ll be revealing that!
Etta: And for you, our loyal readers, here’s a little hint:
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| This sentient is responsible for the murder of Pflx Rambo! We’ll reveal her identity during our performance at the Pflx Rambo Memorial Festival. Who could she be? |
- Odds that Pflx Rambo is still dead: 1:1
- Odds that Mona Climaxia’s new lover can live up to Pflx Rambo: 7,800,982:1
- Odds that a bloodthirsty mob will rip Pflx Rambo’s murderer to pieces: 5:2
Public Service Announcement
VENTURA MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY CLOSED
Due to crowds and riots around the museum within the Pulsar Quasar Casino, the entire floor of the casino has been closed until further notice. Sentients are advised to avoid the area until Science Police drones can disperse the mob.
Security
LEGIONNAIRES TO PROVIDE SECURITY AT PFLX RAMBO FESTIVAL
by M’*aison Pier&eWith record crowds of billions of sentients from across the United Planets expected at the Pflx Rambo Memorial Festival, the Science Police has announced that members of the Legion of Super-Heroes will provide additional security at the event. It has been confirmed that Legionnaires Shrinking Violet, Magnetic Kid, Tellus, and Invisible Kid will aid the dozen Science Police officers and hundreds of SP drones that will be patrolling the festival. More Legionnaires will be added if needed, the SP verifies.
Emotions are sure to be high during the festival, celebrating the life and mourning the death of noted casino owner Pflx Rambo, who was assassinated in his private office in the Golden Stardust Casino almost three months ago. The killer has yet to be caught.
Celebrities from across the galaxy will be attending the festival, with many of them scheduled to perform. Fans are speculating that the Legionnaires will be providing not just security but entertainment as well. Might Magnetic Kid treat audiences to a striptease while Invisible Kid sings the Braalian blues? Or could Shrinking Violet and Tellus act out the death scene from Romeo & Juliet Part 8: The Quickening? Although the latter is admittedly unlikely since manatees are banned on Ventura. We’ll just have to wait and see!
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| Reports are that Magnetic Kid (Pol Krinn of Braal) is in the running for Sexiest Male Sentient, Humanoid Legionnaire Division. A striptease at the festival would surely bring him more votes! |
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