Hello Gatwayians!
Nah
that just does not work. Plus Gateway Chronicle is the 3rd most read
international paper so really maybe it should just be my little
catnipians. That really does not work either. Tell you what we are
gonna put a pin in this and get to what you are really here for...the 3 things
you need to know, in small little bites, to sound smart and with it at the
water cooler. Without further delay here is this week's catbites
Former failed Wonder Woman, Donna Troy, has been sited in Gateway City again. This is her third visit to the city since her "friend" Achilles was hospitalized. "Hey Donna you just had a humiliating defeat as second rent wonder woman what ya gonna do?" ... "A third rate Homerian hero!!!"
Speaking of our third rate hometown losers, they were seen last week on the site of the 5 alarm fire in the northside low rent district. Surprisingly there was no loss of life and the property damage was kept far below projections for normal five alarm fires. Perhaps their New Leader Akasha is getting these sad sack losers whipped into shape!
And in sad news, Gateway City's favorite son Dr Tripod, is holding a twilight vigil for Paradise Island. This is not the anniversary of its disappearance but rather some obscure amazonian holiday of remembrance. Still it is a good bet that most of Gateway City will turn out if for nothing else than to hear Dr Tripod's new Epic Poem on the subject.
And there you have it Gatewayers! Every thing you need to know.
Cat Grant
------------
Cat
Grant here. So the Editor-In-Chief of the Gateway Guardian has decided
that the three wonderful catbites I provided for water cooler fooder was not up
to my usual level of insightfulness. So without further ado here are 3
more things you need to know to at least be sapient at the water cooler.
Gateway PD is reporting that a young, UNDERAGE, girl was taken from the site of
the 5 alarm fire yesterday. This TEENAGE girl, reporting dresses in
Supergirl cosplay, was removed from the scene by Quantum of the
Myrmidons. Does anyone else find it worrying that the PD is playing
Maxwell to Quantum's Epstein?
To date the Myrmidon's have been unable to stop, caused through reckless
superheroing, or just complete incompetent inaction, a total of 7.8 billion in
property damage, according to a independent audit conducted by
WEHATETHEMYRMIDONS PAC. They conclude that city taxpayer is on the hook
for at least 67% of this cost and expect a rise in property taxes, city service
fees/fines, and the city sales tax rate to cover the cost. They ask a
simple question: Can a typical family afford to have them stay in the city?
And lastly, to round out this editorially mandated 3 new catbites, the Current
Editor in Chief of the Gateway Guardian has been exposed as having an affair
with his secretary. Shocking at this news is it is more shocking that it
was just now revealed here first in a editorially driven rewrite of
Catbites. Helps to wait till the last minute of your deadline so no one
is there is proof read! How you like me now Boss!
And there you go, certainly everything I thought we needed to know.
Cat Grant
---------------------------
The
next day, Quantum gets a text to meet Mark Shaw. He’s supposed to start at
Argus today. He sneaks out of the Embassy to meet him. He’s told to meet with
CBI tomorrow.
A LexStar Delivery courier is waiting outside Akasha’s work looking for his secret ID. Akasha signs for the package and receives a leather-bound diary with a card that says, “I thought you might find this interesting. You are his only living heir as far as I can determine” with an elaborate symbol that looks like an octopus. Image search comes up with the name Leviathan. Symbol associated with Atlantis. The diary contains a picture of someone.
Donna Troy visits Achilles. She says she has been the caretaker of a device that she wants to train me with in case she falls again. It’s a silver orb that displays a hologram of Harbinger saying she has been tasked to record history. She displays a recording of Crisis and the collapse of the multiverse and restructuring of time. She recounts her conflicting origins as an example. She gives me a replica of the orb for me to help her. She thinks I wasn’t taken from Ancient Troy but I’ve been traveling through time in different guises as an immortal analogous to Hawkman except without the reincarnation. Between the Crises I’ve been restructured like Donna. She also think Rachael has been restructured too and is actually an Amazon and sister to Diana and Donna, who was sent into hiding to keep her from her stepmother Hera. Achilles agrees to help with the orb and the history.
Orichalcum talks to her brother, Lin Xiōngdì, who found a stone that gives him powers so he wants to join the Myrmidons. He’s coming to visit.
Rachael checks on faux Supergirl in the medbay. She is unhurt except for exhaustion and dehydation but is not waking up. Computer says she doesn’t have a metagene but is a Kryptonian/human hybrid. Computer starts running genetic analysis while a yellow sunlamp shines on her. Achilles and Donna tell Rachael, who had eavesdropped anyway. Donna runs a blood test, which confirms that Rachael is indeed an Amazon.
Meanwhile, we all go to meet Orichalcum’s brother. He demonstrates the stone, which turns him into an Eclipsoid and he attacks to prove his worth. After a brief battle, Akasha takes him down with his telepathy. We take the stone away from him and put it in a containment field in the vault, while Achilles knocks him out to keep him from being eclipsed in anger. We consult Grandfather, who’s no help.
Meanwhile, Akasha tells us of the diary, which is written in Hindi. The picture that fell out of it is Grandfather as he is now but seemingly from the 1930s. But Grandfather was a boy during WW2. Meanwhile, the med-computer analyzes Xiōngdì’s blood, which says he has an active metagene, is Homo Magus, and has a vitamin D deficiency. We put him under sun lamps with faux Supergirl.
Faux Supergirl wakes up. She’s from Earth-23. She’s confused about how she got here. Her name is Flamebird, really Diana Clarice Kent-Armorr. Pure Kryptonian-pure Terran hybrid. No metagene. On her world she attends the Ted Knight Academy. We don’t know what to do with her to return her home, so we’re keeping her for now.
The med-computer indicates the sun lamps aren’t helping Xiōngdì’s Vitamin D levels, so Rachael hooks up an intravenous feed. His metagene keeps him from being affected by sunlight. Meanwhile, Thomas Wayne has been examining the metal from the Stygian’s blade with no conclusive results.
Achilles gets a message from Donna to turn on the TV, where it announces Amazons are attacking DC. Hippolyta demands her daughter be released within 12 hours. She beheads the Lincoln Memorial. Donna says Diana has been taken by the US government and is being held.
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